Listen

Have you ever heard pearls of popular wisdom that are so true it feels like they should have been included in the Bible? Phrases like “happy wife, happy life”, or “what goes around, comes around”, “beggars can’t be choosers”, and so on. A long time ago, someone told me “Simon, God gave us two ears and one mouth so we can listen twice as much as we speak” – a pearl of wisdom which I recently learnt is a quote of the Greek philosopher Epictetus (cool name, but I have no idea who he was).

While not included in the Bible, Scriptures definitely agree with it. As we read in James 1:19, “You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.” I personally believe that this advice is desperately needed in the day and age in which we live, in a culture where dialogue is increasingly giving way to screams, and the exchange of ideas to exchanges of fists! Not only that, I believe it is something that Christians should intentionally embody as we seek to be faithful to Jesus’ call to be “light of the world and salt of the earth.”

I say this as someone who, by nature, has been given two mouths and one ear! In case you haven’t noticed, I talk far better than I listen. If you don’t believe me, just ask my very patient wife… I say this because listening doesn’t come naturally to many of us. The reason for this, I believe, has little to do with being an introvert or extrovert, and more to do with our pride – and our proneness to want to be heard rather than listen to others, to impose our position rather than open ourselves to the fact that we may well be wrong.

As I reflected on the words in James 1:19, I considered that “to listen” requires a far greater effort than just opening our ears to other people’s words. For sure, to listen to them implicitly projects a sense of respect and an acknowledgement of the person’s value and worth as someone created in God’s image. To listen is a silent statement of equality, as we recognise that they should be listened to on the same basis that we want to be heard. Not only that, to listen is an expression of humility as we open ourselves to being proven wrong. This, sadly, is becoming harder and harder to do these days, when most of our information comes from an internet shaped by commercial algorithms that intentionally feed us carefully curated “sound-bites” that reinforce our views – to keep us scrolling and consuming more adverts. No wonder our society is so deeply fractured.

But more than someone’s words, we must learn to listen to the unspoken language behind their words. For sometimes, that’s where the true dialogue resides. Let me give you an example. Many years ago, I found myself debating someone over the eternal destination of those souls who commit suicide. While I felt I was able to defend my position effectively, I never once stopped to ask why the lady wanted to know my views on this topic. The answer to that missed question came later, when a mutual friend told me, “Simon, she asked you about it because her brother killed himself.” Not my brightest moment. But I did learn a valuable lesson. Years later, I spent a considerable amount of time each week working with a a married lesbian. Almost sounds like the beginning of a dad-joke: “A pastor and a lesbian enter a bar…” It was practically inevitable that the subject of sexuality would come up – and it did. But instead of telling her why I disagreed with her lifestyle, I asked her to tell me her story and why she made the life choice she made – and I listened. Guess what? She returned the favour and asked me to tell her why I became a pastor, allowing me to share my testimony and the gospel with her. I am happy to report that we’ve worked well together and developed a relationship of mutual respect, which enabled many more meaningful conversations to ensue.

Lastly, I believe that a Christian shouldn’t just develop the skill to listen to other peoples’ views and their underlying motivations, but listen to the voice of God. In all the chaos, in all the noise, in all the rage and violence surrounding words and opposing narratives, what is God saying? I am not just referring to what he’s said in his Word, but what he is saying about the season we live in.

If, like me, you are not naturally a good listener, know that listening is a skill that can be developed. I am certainly not as good at listening as I’d want to be, but I am far better at it than I used to be. Here are some things that I have learnt to do to become a better listener:

i.                 Force yourself to listen. Listen to one-hour-plus-long podcasts, bridle your wandering mind and focus on what is being said. Listen to them while you commute, work out, or do the dishes. That alone will help you focus on someone’s words for longer.

ii.               When someone speaks, try to perceive their inner world and personal journey. Ask them why they are saying what they are saying, or why they feel so passionately about something you strongly disagree with. Take a genuine interest in their life story. The conversation may or may not change minds, but it will build the relational foundation for further discussions or, at the very least, mutual respect.

iii.             Learn to listen to the voice of God. This happens in two ways. Firstly, by becoming acquainted with what he has already said in his Word. Make reading your Bible a daily practice. Just as we need to eat physical food daily, our soul needs spiritual food daily too. By reading Scripture methodically and consistently, we learn to become familiar with his mind and ways. Secondly, by becoming acquainted with what he is saying by his Spirit. This is developed over time through prayer. Do you pray? If so, do you ever make space for silence to hear his voice? Do you ever ask God questions? And if so, do you ever expect an answer?

To quote another non-biblical pearl of wisdom, “Rome wasn’t built in a day” – and neither our listening skills! It’s a practice that must be honed on a daily basis over a lifetime. It requires discipline and self control, but it is essential to shine with the light of Christ in the madness of our world.